Mental Health: The Inside Job - and How to Crack the Code
How many movie heists succeed because there is a person.... on the inside with the critical and acutely sensitive information required to crack the code?
The same applies to your mental health.
If you want your life to be different and better in some way, I guarantee you that your inner child holds the key always to your becoming anxiety free.
Your wounding is not your fault; but healing today is most definitely your responsibility.
How many teenage insecurities do you still carry with you? If you could go back in time and talk to your younger self at any age, I wonder what advice you might choose to give them.
Elton John would say ‘to stand up for the rights of every human being, to never chase love, but to have fun and be proud of who you are.’ Annie Lennox would say ‘that everything changes and of how unhealthy bitterness becomes.’
I’d say ‘not to be so caught up in what people think, to stay mindful of everyone's fallibility; not to judge or compete, and to be true to herself. I’d want my younger self to be reassured that ‘everyone’ is lost at some time or other in some way and just trying to figure out their world as best they can – and that that’s ok.'
What do you say?
This adult world of responsibility, with its drama and duty and deadlines, can feel overwhelming at times for all of us, I’m sure you agree. Not least, if you live with a nagging voice chipping away that you don’t really know what you’re doing, that you’re not taken seriously; that in whatever way, you are never enough.
As you know…
I support professional women to heal and grow past their emotional wounding and trauma, to build their confidence and self-esteem so that they may live in an authentic and empowered way today
Emotional trauma experienced by your younger self tends to repeat in some form in adulthood.
These early traumas tend to be strongest when the emotional aspects of development are to the fore – up to around eight years old, and then again from early teens.
Emotional wounding left unhealed during these critical early years tends to lead to pattern repeats of compounding wounds in adult life, making the individual more susceptible to abuse – in all its guises.
Healing childhood wounds empowers you in every way today to set the right boundaries, to communicate fully and to live honestly and authentically, so that your career and your relationships flourish. Your wounding is most likely not your fault; but healing today is most definitely your responsibility.
With a different point of view you react and respond in a more measured way
Taking steps to communicate with your younger self helps you to gain a new perspective on anxiety from the more resourceful adult within you now. When you communicate within yourself from a different vantage point it really can help to gain perspective and restore balance. It helps you to ground yourself so that you react and respond in a more measured way today.
Any stirring emotion is a clue to any unresolved conflict still within you – like that button that’s gotten so big, it can’t help but keep getting pressed?
You know the one?
I often talk to my clients about this idea and how you might see yourself as a kind of matryoshka; a big Russian doll on the outside - you lift open the body and there’s an ever smaller one inside? That’s like you.
When you wobble today, chances are it’s actually your younger self inside.
This is because the mind is always searching for how to make sense of any current situation and it will associate to any past experiences that might have been similar, to find out how to react in the present moment. If the association isn’t a pleasant one, chances are you will become anxious about handling a similar situation now.
When you screw up – when a professional project goes wrong, or when you lose a pitch, or when your personal relationship falters… do you judge yourself or others harshly? Do you criticise and blame?
The degree to which you are able to encourage, to let go and forgive yourself (and others) is a clear indicator of how healthy your inner child really is.
If you just do one thing...
Please learn to pay attention to your self-talk because when you talk to yourself badly, it’s often your younger self who absorbs this and you wither a little more inside. This impacts your self-esteem.
Be kind.
Learning to love, respect and appreciate yourself really isn’t an arrogance. It strengthens your mental health and allows you to give and receive love, in all its forms, more openly and more healthily.
If you’d like to explore how to heal and regain your emotional balance so that you feel more confident, worthy and free within yourself, you can book a Power Hour of Support or get in touch via email at lisa@empoweredmomentum.com.
Warmly as ever,
Lisa x
Lisa Skeffington is a multi-award-winning consultant psychotherapist and self-esteem expert. She is the Founder of the Empowered Momentum Community, an exclusive membership for ambitious midlife women, and her latest book, ‘From Anxious to Empowered’, is out now.