In this week’s blog, I delve deeper into how to better communicate and build deeper connection. Through supporting families over time, and as a mum myself, I’ve seen how these strategies raise self esteem in children of all ages, and especially in teenagers.

Here are my seven simple, yet effective steps that will help you to teach your children to engage in healthy ways. These ideas will serve them well in the longer term and become vital life skills, alongside helping you right now, to improve your family dynamic as you rub along day to day.

Here goes...

I. Teach your children the skill of active listening.

To ask about anything they don’t understand, and crucially

To master the gentle art of self-control by not interrupting; to wait patiently as they hold tight to their burning question or objection.

II. Encourage your children to develop empathy.

To put on someone else’s shoes and imagine how it is for the other person they might be cross or upset with.

This vital skill promotes compassion and understanding. It is worth bearing in mind that children below the age of around 8 years old generally don’t possess this ability (it varies), as they are yet to develop what in psychology, is termed ‘theory of mind.’ Until this time their view of the world is largely egocentric.

III. Make regular family meetings the norm.

Coming together as a unit to discuss big ideas and plans, to get suggestions, or perhaps to sort out on-going squabbles, creates a respected space for everyone to speak up and put their thoughts and feelings forward in a pro-active way. This semi-formal structure is invaluable because it gives stability and an opportunity for everyone to feel heard.

IV. Spend quality time together and participate in activities that everyone enjoys and appreciates.

This may be getting together to share a meal, play a game, watch a film or to take a day trip somewhere. Having fun in simple ways together sounds obvious I know, yet few families actually do this on a regular basis, given the distractions of technology these days.

V. Celebrate the successes, no matter how small.

Be sincere and specific with your praise, so that your kids know you mean it. Whenever you get the opportunity, praise the effort they made and not simply what they achieved. This will help them to focus less on the pressures of delivering an outcome and keep performance anxieties in check.

Ask for acknowledgement on what you achieve for yourself, so that you may share your successes with them. Do this and you’ll foster a home environment that is experienced as supportive all round.

VI. Get help when you need it.

As a loving parent it can be hard to face up to the truth that your child - or you, or indeed your unit as a whole, is struggling. To reach out for professional help is the opposite of failing as a parent – I hear this heart-wrenching fear of failure all too often when families first come on board with me.

Instead, you give your family the golden opportunity to deepen awareness and understanding, and resolve any long-standing issues – which means that your frustrations and concerns get sorted effectively and quickly. Going forward, you are all equipped with the right strategies to keep communication strong and healthy.

VII. Be patient and forgiving.

Keep in mind that change requires persistence, time, and a consistent willingness to communicate better and be happier together by all family members. Understanding each other’s motivations, intentions as well as any deep-rooted fears really helps to level the ground as you begin to put this into practice.

I hope this helps you today. If you’d like some help putting these ideas into practice, or simply need a space to regroup and reflect, you can book a Power Hour of Support with me here.

Warmly as ever,

Lisa x

7 Ways to Improve Communication and Connection with Your Kids