How Do I Make My Partner Happy - And Why Does it Feel So Hard?
If you’ve ever found yourself thinking:
“I know my partner loves me… so why don’t I feel it?” “How do I make my partner happy - and why does it feel so hard?”
You are not alone.
These are two of the most common questions people ask about relationships - often quietly, often repeatedly, and often with a heavy sense of confusion underneath.
In today’s blog, I'll touch on why trying harder usually doesn't help... the part most people don't realise... crucially, why this shows up at work too - and a free masterclass invitation for men and women who want less confusion, more emotional support and more ease and understanding in their relationships.
👉 Learn more about the free webinar here: https://community.empoweredmomentum.com/love-languages
Let's explore.
The Question People Ask Most in Relationships
“How do I make my partner happy?”
This question usually comes from people who are already trying.
They care. They show up. They make effort.
And yet something still feels off.
Research into relationships consistently shows that many couples report loving each other - while also feeling disconnected, unseen, or emotionally distant. The issue isn’t a lack of love. It’s that the love being given doesn’t always land in a way that feels meaningful to the other person.
In simple terms: Love can be there - and still not feel felt.
“I Know My Partner Loves Me - So Why Don’t I Feel It?”
This question isn’t about being ungrateful. It’s about feeling emotionally full.
Most of us show love in the way that makes us feel loved:
We talk things through
We spend time together
We do things to help
We show affection
We give thoughtful gestures
But if your partner experiences love differently, those efforts can miss the mark - even when they’re genuine.
That’s when people start to feel confused:
“I’m doing so much - why isn’t it enough?”
“Why don’t they seem to notice?”
“Why do I still feel lonely?”
Not because anyone is doing something wrong - but because love is being offered in a different way to how it’s needed.
You can explore this in more depth in the free live session here: https://community.empoweredmomentum.com/love-languages
Why Trying Harder Usually Doesn’t Help
When love doesn’t seem to land, many people respond by:
Doing more
Giving more
Explaining more
Or quietly pulling back to protect themselves
But trying harder without understanding often makes things worse.
It can lead to:
Frustration
Feeling taken for granted
Emotional exhaustion
Or the painful belief that you are somehow the problem
The Part Most People Don’t Realise
Here’s something rarely talked about, but incredibly important:
We often give love in ways that are trying to meet our own unmet needs, without realising it.
If, earlier in life, you didn’t always feel:
Fully seen
Valued
Chosen
Or good enough
you may still be looking for that feeling now - even in a loving relationship.
So when your partner shows love, it might not quite settle. Not because they aren’t loving - but because the feeling you’re hoping for belongs to something older.
This isn’t a fault. It’s human.
But it does mean that no partner can fill every gap - and trying to make them do so puts pressure on the relationship.
Why This Shows Up at Work Too
These patterns don’t stay at home.
They often show up at work as:
Over-giving
Over-performing
Taking things personally
Struggling with feedback
Feeling overlooked or undervalued
When emotional needs aren’t understood, people often try to earn reassurance through effort - both at home and professionally.
An Invitation This Season of Love
This February, during the season of love, I’m hosting a 60-minute live webinar:
How to Make Your Partner Happy - Tuesday 3rd at 2.30pm
It’s for men and women who want:
Less confusion
Less emotional effort
And more ease and understanding in their relationships
We’ll explore:
Why people can love each other and still feel disconnected
The five love languages - and where they help (and don’t)
Why we sometimes expect our partner to meet needs they can’t
How to express needs clearly, calmly, and without conflict
How meeting yourself first actually strengthens your relationship
👉 You can learn more and register here: https://community.empoweredmomentum.com/love-languages
Because Love Shouldn’t Feel Like This Hard
You don’t need to try harder. You don’t need to be better. And you don’t need to fix your partner.
You need understanding - of yourself, your needs, and how love really works.
And when that understanding is in place, love doesn’t have to feel confusing anymore.
See you there.
Warmly,
Lisa x
Lisa Skeffington is a multi-award-winning consultant psychotherapist and self-esteem expert. She is the Founder of the Empowered Momentum Community, an exclusive membership for ambitious midlife women, and her latest book, ‘From Anxious to Empowered’, is out now.